one piece of personal growth advice i’d give my younger self

If you could write a letter of advice to your younger self, what would you say?

This is a common question that pops up, usually in philosophical self help books and awkward ice breakers. And to tell you the truth, I used to live by the impression that I wouldn’t tell myself much of anything because there’s not really anything I can take away from myself that wouldn’t also take away from my learning.

And yet, now when I think about that question, that’s just it: learning.

That’s one of the biggest pieces of advice I would give myself. And I don’t mean “go to college and finally finish out your BA.” Although that’s not necessarily a bad idea, it’s also not the most important thing in the world.

Instead, the greatest and most empowering pieces of wisdom I’ve been gathering over the last few years have come together to create this massive puzzle that bellows back at me:

“BE YOUR OWN TEACHER. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN WISDOM.”

A culmination of my own life changes have driven me to realize this. A lot of anger as well. When I started to really take responsibility for my own knowledge and began to stray from the status quo, I was really freaking angry.

I was angry that someone had taught all my teachers things that didn’t necessarily reflect the science. I was angry at the people above them who misrepresented facts - over and over and over again. Usually for the sole purpose of profit.

I was angry at my husband who told me I didn’t really have a right to be angry because I had always had access to google.

And, okay, it’s a little different when you’re a kid or a teenager, and you seem to have no reason not to trust your teachers or the news or the headlines. These were supposed to be adults who knew what they were doing. People with training and life experience and “expertise”.

We are supposed to trust them. And most of those teachers and experts were taught to trust the people above them. Again, those are supposed to be well trained specialists. So whose fault is it, then, when we are faced with hoards of false information just floating around on the internet like groups of bikini clad girls at a Fourth of July cookout?

That’s a whole other discussion, with a crap ton of complexities, but what I’m trying to get at here is, and it pains me to say this, my husband made a damn good point. 

If you want to reach the truth, you have to take responsibility for your own knowledge. 

Here’s the thing: people are lying to you. Every single day, people are lying to you. And even more often than that, perfectly well-meaning people are unknowingly spreading false information to you (bless your hearts, every nutrition teacher I ever had through high school). 

I’m not saying that to scare you or turn you into a pessimistic basement dweller who suspects everyone of being a serial killer.

I’m saying it because one of the most rewarding things we can do as young and often innocently ignorant (speaking from experience) humans is to get supremely curious. Get so curious that you don’t take value from headlines. So curious you don’t even take a 10 page article as reliable fact. Not even a 1000 page, super convincing and critically acclaimed book written by your favorite person ever.

So damn curious that you have to know why, and how, and who, and since when, and based on what?

I know. That seems a little exhausting. I’m not saying you have to assume everyone is lying to you. There are people you can trust; don’t go running to the hills just yet. And I’m not saying to put hours and hours of research into every single thing you ever hear/learn.

All I’m saying is to spend this confusing time in our lives to really, and consistently, dig a little deeper into the things that matter most to you, and to the world. And then, get really comfortable with changing your mind.

The thing with being millennials and gen z-ers is that we are constantly bombarded with information. New and old and resurfaced and uncovered. The sobering part is that a crap ton of it is, well, just that - crap. Crap science, flippant opinions, and unacknowledged biases. Even more of it is well meaning but badly interpreted, just like those (hopefully) innocent nutrition teachers hanging Got Milk posters all over the place.

So if I could send my younger self a letter, I would encourage her:

Be your own teacher. Tirelessly seek out reliable and critical thinkers. 

Get cozy with information you know you won’t agree with, if only to expose yourself to alternative perspectives. Rest easy knowing that you don’t have to commit to everything you learn about.

And don’t marry your identity to every single thing you ever believe. Because then when you are faced with new information, you are also going to be faced with an identity crisis. And that’s going to feel super threatening, and probably going to impair your learning process more than a little. Instead of flirting with opposing views and getting a chance to feel them out, you’re going to go running and screaming in the opposite direction.

Don’t think you’re better than this - I don’t - it’s only human nature. The important thing is to practice recognizing it. Practicing opening your mind to new possibilities, then exploring them thoroughly before you cement them into your identity.

Don’t rely on anyone else to tell you what is correct. Don’t take everything as gospel from anyone who calls themselves an expert.

At the end of the day, just always remember to dig deeper, and to be intentional about what you give your mind, energy, and support to. More often than not, there is so much more beneath the surface that barely sees the light of day.

The companies you buy from, the diets or health advice you subscribe to, the opinions you attach yourself to - be intentional about it all and don’t be afraid to question things. Don’t be afraid to peel back more layers. Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.

Don’t be afraid to be your own teacher.

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